let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
