mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
