Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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