I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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