I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
