Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
