Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
