There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
