even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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