just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
