Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
