I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
