Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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