I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
