just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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