just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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