Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
