is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
operation have a gay friend backfired
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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