Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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