He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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