just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
