Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
