Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
