i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
