I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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