Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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