I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
