I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
