yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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