chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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