Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
