Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
