Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
