Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
