just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize