Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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