i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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