Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
