Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
