there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
