God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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