I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
