I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
