Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
