So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
