If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
