The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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