You work out of a Hotel?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
