Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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