Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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