i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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