I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
