I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
