I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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