He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
