I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
