He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
