nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
