I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am available for nakedness
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
