I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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