I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
