then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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