idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
