well I can't set my house on fire every night
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
