Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
