idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I wear drunk well.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
