I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize