So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
