I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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