I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
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I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
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He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize