i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
