Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
