It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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