They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.