Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM