Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.