I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
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And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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