awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑