If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
